Living Abroad in My 40s Made Me Start Over—And I’m Grateful I Did

Denise, CA

Afro-Caribbean American | Queer traveler | Age Range: 30s | Food Preferences: Adventurous eater | Mid-budget | Solo Expat | Former school counselor turned online wellness coach | Gentle, thoughtful, newly single

When I first told people I was moving to Spain, the reactions were… mixed.

“You’re so brave.”

“Aren’t you scared to start over now?”

“Wish I could do that.”

Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I was doing. All I knew was that my life back in L.A. no longer fit. I had just finalized a divorce. My daughter had gone off to college. And for the first time in 20 years, I was making a decision that had nothing to do with anyone else’s needs.

So I bought a one-way ticket to Valencia.

Why I Chose Valencia, Spain

I’d never even been to Valencia before I moved there. I just knew I wanted to be somewhere warm, walkable, and close to the ocean. I wanted community—but also solitude. I didn’t want to feel invisible in a crowd anymore.

Valencia checked every quiet box.

What No One Tells You About Starting Over Abroad in Your 40s

• You will doubt yourself—often.

There were nights I cried on the floor wondering if I’d made a huge mistake. I missed the predictability of home. The ease of Target. The smell of my daughter’s old room.

• You will question your worth.

My identity had been built around helping others. Without the school, the kids, the “Ms. D” title—I didn’t know who I was.

• You will surprise yourself.

I made new friends over coffee, learned how to flirt in Spanish, and started cooking meals from scratch again. I even started dancing again—for the first time since my twenties.

What Valencia Gave Me That L.A. Never Did

• Space to feel without rushing through it

• A community that didn’t expect perfection

• Mornings that started with sunlight and not stress

There’s something about being unknown that gives you permission to redefine everything.

Final Reflection:

I thought I was running away from something when I left. In reality, I was finally running toward myself.

So if you’re reading this and you’re in your 40s, or 50s, or older—and you’re wondering if it’s “too late” to move abroad… it’s not. Life doesn’t stop unfolding after a certain age. Sometimes, it finally starts.